Currently, I am preoccupied by this question posed to me by a good friend:
“What do you think about after you drop me off and drive away after spending the weekend with me?”
I was caught off guard by this question. I had picked him up from a party and he was clearly intoxicated yet he posed this in all seriousness. I stammered for a moment, and he repeated the question. Not sure how to respond, feeling as if this was some sort of trap, I said, “Well, I dunno.”
He didn’t let it drop at that. He pushed for a better answer. Finally, I said, “Well, I spend all weekend with you so when it comes to Sunday morning, I find I have quite a long to-do list I have to…” He cut me off there saying, clearly agitated by this response “Alright, got my answer.”
“Wait!” I said, “you didn’t let me finish.” I scrambled to try and right my supposed error, “After I drop you off, I need to think about my to-do list so I can start organizing and planning for when I get to see you next.”
He just turned up the music in response (Limp Bizkit’s ‘Faith’ – “Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body…”). “Whatever” was all he said.
After I dropped him off the next morning, and I drove away, I began thinking about the question some more. As I pondered, I noticed the sun rising in my rear-view mirror, a bright burnt orange sphere like you’d see in a Monet painting. For a moment, all of the confusion of our recent conversations did not matter, and then I saw a bat flutter underneath an underpass and I immediately thought, “Oh cool. He would have loved to see that, I’ll have to text him about that later.” Then I realized why my answer had been wrong. I had lied. I had the both scary and exciting realization that he had slowly become the context for all of my thoughts, and all he had wanted, and hoped for, was for this confession, for this admittance of some sort of feeling beyond that of just friends. I had a moment of clarity as a watched that sun rise in my rear-view mirror: I had fallen in love with my best friend, and my best friend loved me back. Needless to say, I cannot wait for next weekend.
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