Sunday, bloody Sunday.

Today has been a mixed bag and so I have decided to unload my brain and pour the slops out here.

In fact today began very well, we went for a walk on the chase. The beloved and I do love the walking and today’s was a belter because we began with breakfast at Springslade Lodge. We sat in the sunshine and listened to the birds sing before setting off on a walk to collect leaves for the kids in beloved’s class. Is there anything more wholesome than walking through the thick, newly browning forest? We felt as though we were the only people on earth. Until that is, the horse trekkers thundered over the horizon. I may be exaggerating but there were probably a million of them and they were all in daring mood as they shook the ground beneath our feet. There is something quite humbling about feeling small next to other animals; I don’t think people have that feeling enough and we grow ever arrogant for want of it.

If I was as talented as my lovely friend Jo then you would be furnished with lovely photies of our walk but I am not so you will have to trust me when I tell you that it was breathtakingly beautiful out there.

Invigorated by fresh air and the like we decided to pop to Homebase to get various bits and bobs that seem to have quickly become our whole world. I must confess to loving this sort of thing. We walked the aisles looking for screws and a towel rail and I bought some autumn feed for the lawn as it is browning a little around the edges. I love how those places smell, it is like wet wood and chemicals that you ought to ask your dad for help with.

It is full of rare moments of human connection. At the stand where the lawn feed was, I was looking at the various brands and varieties and there were several other men who were older than me. They were the sort of avid gardeners whose facial hair has taken on the appearence of the plants they tend so carefully in a kind of human/plant symbiosis. These were real garden men and I immediately felt uneasy; if I picked the wrong feed they’d know I was a sham.

Feeling distinctly queasy I reached for a tub of my chosen potion and looked gingerly around for their reaction. A man in a green bodywarmer whose face was nearly totally obscured by thicket-like facial hair gave me an almost imperceptible nod and I knew I’d made the right choice.

I know what you’re thinking, this does sound like a good day. I’d had a nice walk and then had my status as a man reinforced. Loaded with armfuls of home improvement supplies we strode to the car.

I felt good, like nothing could stop me. The sun was shining and I was listening to the soundtrack to Desperado. Things were fine.

On the road home, on a dual carriageway, the cam-belt snapped in the engine of my car.

If you’ve just sighed/slapped your forehead/muttered a swear-word then you’re either a mechanic or you’ve had this terrible thing happen to you. If you haven’t then you are a lucky sausage indeed.

Allow me to digress to bring those of a non-engineering background up to speed. In your car, the engine is really a large connection of clattering, exploding metal objects all thrashing about with their own agenda. In order to make sure that your engine doesn’t smash itself to pieces; a cam-belt is there to keep all of the components in harmony with each other.

Imagine an orchestra; the cam-belt is the conductor keeping all of the instruments in time and out of each other’s way. Now imagine what would happen to Beethoven’s Ninth if the conductor had an angina attack midway through. There’d be trombones all over the shop and frankly, you’d ask for your money back.

This is exactly what I thought as my rapidly conking-out car crawled to the side of the A460 near to Sainsbury’s. It was a disaster and one that will cost me quite a bit of money.

We sat on the crash barrier and waited for the RAC man to arrive and I felt like poo. People reminded us that we were sat on a road by beeping at us as they hurtled past. I waved at some of them and if it was you then I hope you waved back. I couldn’t see of course as you were doing 80mph but in my naive way I’d like to believe that you did.

Eventually, and not before I had to wee in a hedge, an angel arrived in the form of an RAC man. He was brilliant and towed me to the garage where my car now waits to be made better.

So, if you are looking for a car then I have one that I’ll let go for a very reasonable price, it is a…

Hmm maybe I’ll keep it a secret.

T3