I appear to have inadvertently given the impression of being a bit of a goody-goody. Well I hate to shatter this myth but I have a little tale to tell that took place many months ago and involves someone I shall call Keith. This is not his real name but I want to protect the identity of my …… victim.
I know Keith through my sister, who is friends with his wife. I like his wife, she has a really good sense of humour, she always tells me jokes that I don’t understand and those that I do make me blush.
I find Keith a bit of a challenge, he is nice enough but always talks to me as though I am five years old. He likes everything to be just so, he has a perfect garden, his garage is immaculate and until recently his car was always in showroom condition.
That evening I must have told him a dozen times I did not want to learn to shoot a gun, that guns scared me and I did not like them. But there I was standing in his garage being given a safety lecture on shooting. He passed me the gun, I unclipped the lever as instructed and was just about to pull it back when he took it straight back off me. “I had better do this, it’s a bit tricky” he said. My irritation levels went up a notch.
He passed me back the gun, I opened a little flap on the top and asked for a bullet. “Sandy, it’s an air pistol. It fires pellets not bullets” he said with a sigh. My irritation level went up another notch.
I raised the gun, straightened my arms took a very wobbly aim and was just about to shoot when he said”Remember squeeze the trigger don’t pull it”. My irritation level went off the scale so I PULLED the stupid trigger as hard as I could.
I was expecting a bang but it just made a little piff sound, the pellet missed the target but hit the metal frame and richoched off it. It then flew within inches of Keith’s ear and hit his beloved car parked on the drive. He grabbed the gun off me and marched over to his car, looked at the damage, looked at me, shook his head and stormed off into the house to get some polish.
I went over to the car, there was a tiny dent that nobody would ever notice but the paint had been chipped and being a black car it stood out like a sore thumb. No amount of polishing would ever repair that.
I suddenly felt my scalp start to itch, I put my hand to my head and felt two little horns start to grow. A really satisfied smile spread across my face and my irritation levels went back to zero.
Let the world know – you irritate me and I’ll shoot your car.
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